Truth Is….

My friend Emma is headed to her senior year of high school.  She recently graced my camera lens with her fabulous smile.  I shared a sneak peak last week and I plan to share the full session next week.  On her Facebook page she and her friends play this game (or at least I think it’s a game, I’m not a high schooler what do I know).  Someone starts a wall post with “Truth is…” and they write something fun that is truthful.  I’ve seen everything from compliments about Emma to things like… “Truth is… I sit behind Emma in math class.” Or something along those lines.  Well I have a “Truth Is…” for you today.

Truth is…I suffer from self-esteem issues. Nothing crazy, probably no more than any general person. I read stuff around the web about the amateur photographer who thinks they are pro. The person who bought their first DSLR camera not long ago and thinks that makes them a professional so therefore they can charge for their photos. This is the kind of person so many long time pro’s despise because they take away business.  They even have this term – Mom With a Camera or MWAC to describe people who took photos of their kids and then decided they should make a business from it.  It I fit that.  Let me explain…  generally speaking no one uses MWAC kindly.  It is clearly meant to be derogatory.  I started out just trying to get great shots of my kids.  All of this makes me wonder if I really am a hack and a sham and a wanna be. I wonder if I’m just kidding myself that I have even a drop of talent or if everything I am is because I just learned mechanics or more or less copied from everyone else. Sometimes I feel like I should just give it up and let the real photographers of the world step up to the plate.

So far I haven’t let these feelings paralyze me. Somehow I keep booking the sessions and the weddings. Somehow my clients continue to knock me over with nothing but kind praise. It’s been a crazy 2 years since I hung out my sign on a shingle. 3 years ago I barely dared to dream this could be true. 4 years ago it was a laughable thought, maybe. 5 years it never even occurred to me that this could be my future. My goodness how life has changed in that time. All for the better fortunately.

Sometimes I take a risk and share my blog or my website on sites or forums where professional photographers come together.  Sometimes someone will even say something nice to me about my work.  The crazy thing is, that makes me want to cry!  I almost don’t believe them.  I wonder if they are just being nice.  Truth is…I’m a praise junky!  I thrive on words of affirmation.  I can barely breath after I release a session until I hear from the clients that they are pleased with what they see.  I’m getting better at that.  Now at least I don’t loose sleep at night over it any more.  That is an improvement.

So there! I said it! I shared it with the world.  I am not the super confident person that I think most people think I am.  My husband knows the truth.  Just ask him.  He’d probably roll his eyes, sigh and regale you with tails of my mini nervous break downs and the number of times I’ve declared that I’m throwing in the towel.  I love my husband.  He’s got to be my biggest fan and my loudest cheerleader.  I have no idea where I’d be without him.

Thank you to those who bother to leave comments on the blog.  Thank you to those who write amazing things all over Facebook.  And thank you to those who stop me when I’m out and about it the world and let me know that you appreciate what I do.  It really energizes me to pick up the camera again the next time and try again to create something worthwhile.

So there you have it… The Truth of Crystal Starr.

My photo today is another peak of Emma’s session.  I thought it was appropriate since she inspired the post.  Have a great weekend everyone!

Comments

  1. Truth is… You are great at what you do!

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