I’m Not Good Enough!

- You’re Not Good Enough… why do we believe this lie?

You’re not good enough for that, for this, for him, for her, to do that, to go there, to finish this, to try that….

Have you ever had this whispered in your ear? Have you ever said this to yourself? Even worse, has anyone ever said it to you? Do you believe it? I know you said yes… but why? Why did you believe it? When we do we start believing the lie that we aren’t good enough? Now just to be clear… I’m not talking about the tiny little peanut who dreams of becoming a 7 foot tall basketball star. For some it is clear that that is just not the plan God had in mind for you when He created you. I’m talking about the girl who is convinced she’d never be good enough to date the guy she has been crushing on so she avoids him like the plague. Or the guy who truly wants a promotion but won’t apply because he believes he’ll never get it. Or the wife who never stands up to her overbearing husband because she doesn’t believe she deserves any better. Or the woman who has a dream of a business but believes she can’t compete with the big boys so she never takes the leap. Or the gentleman who really wants to quit his miserable good for nothing job but is convinced he’ll never find anything better. The person who won’t go back to school because it’s been too long and they aren’t smart enough. The one who believes they are failing their children because they just can’t pull themselves together and live up to the crazy super-parent image they have in their head. Okay, you get the point? You are somewhere in that list and so am I.

My question is… why? WHY do we believe we aren’t good enough to step out and grab a hold of that thing, the dream, that opportunity that we so desperately want? What holds you back? What keeps you down? I think it might be something different for everyone. I know I’m a pleaser. I just want to make everyone happy and keep life as easy as possible. That started when I was young. Raising a daughter alone wasn’t exactly easy peasy for my dear mom. I strove to do what I could to make life less of a challenge for her. For me that meant being a good girl, getting good grades, and setting and meeting goals she’d be proud of. It meant going to college and getting a safe and secure job (what could be safer and more secure than teaching? Especially teaching special education students.) This also meant that I tossed aside other possible ideas just because I knew it’d be best for everyone if I just stuck with the plan. Especially after I let one teacher convince me that I’d never be good enough for that other thing I thought I wanted to do.

I wouldn’t be good enough! Yep! That’s what he told me! And I believed him! After all he gave me a crappy grade. Yep, better stick with the safe path. So I did. I went to college and worked my hiney off. I walked out and got a job relatively quickly. It was, dare I say, a very crappy job. But I stuck with it. I told everyone I was SO happy! I married the man of my dreams and just kept right on working that crappy job. I went back to school and dumped a bucket load of money, piling on the debt, to get even further ahead at my crappy job. Why? Because I wasn’t ever going to be good enough for anything else!

Then my son came along and I was shaken to my core and I knew come heck or high water I’d never go back. But that is another blog post (or 20) for another day. I walked away from my crappy job.

Some of those old dreams that I had squashed so long ago began to perculate again. But I fought them back. Truth was I was desperate to dive into something creative. But I had long ago let the world tell me I wasn’t good enough, I just wasn’t talented enough to do anything creative. What could I possibly have to offer? What would be the point? Anything I might want try would be expensive! The excuses were endless. What if someone ELSE told me I wasn’t good enough… again! At some point I just knew I had to let it the fear go or forever be miserable. That’s how my photography was born.

Sometimes I still let the old I’m Not Good Enough beast show his ugly head. It’s a shame because I’m willing to bet I miss opportunities because of it. But then God will send me some encouragement and I do my best to scoop myself up and ignore those ugly thoughts.

Do you see the beautiful photo of my newborn baby girl (she’s 2 now)? If I hadn’t leaped away from the nasty I’m Not Good Enough thoughts then this photo, that I will cherish FOREVER, would have never have been created. Do you think maybe someday my grandchildren, maybe my GREAT grandchildren will treasure that photo. I think they might. That’s what I think about, what might have been missed, with every click of my camera.

What are you missing out on because you listen to the beast? I’d love to hear your story!