Marriage is Hard! Or 7 Ways To Keep Your Marriage Strong

7 Ways To Keep Your Marriage Strong

Can I just say it? Marriage is the absolute hardest thing I’ve done.  It’s harder than birthing 3 babies.  Harder than homeschooling.  Harder than running a business.  I don’t know how else to put it.  Now please, don’t get me wrong or start any rumors.  I thank God every day for He gave me an absolutely wonderful husband and we have a very very strong marriage.  I am blessed by my husband every single day all day long.  In my mind my husband rises the moon and sets the sun.  There is none other like him.  But he is flawed just like I am and every other human being on earth is.  It’d be dishonest to not admit that sometimes our flaws clash with one another and there isn’t a little lightening and thunder.  But somehow, even when circumstances throw our marriage toward the ditch, we pull through and correct our course.

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How do we do that?  It is a funny thing because I felt led to write this post and share a little bit with you about how we keep our marriage on the right road, but as my fingers start to type I’ll admit that I’m not even 100% sure of what to say.  First of all, I’m no marriage expert.  My bachelors degree in psychology did not exactly prepare me to be a counselor or even and adviser   So please, take what I say with a grain of salt.  Keep what works for you and toss what doesn’t.

Onward then… How do we make our marriage work? 7 Ways To Keep Your Marriage Strong.

1.  We go to bed together, at the same time, every single night.  We snuggle and cuddle and chit chat about the day.  It’s our quiet alone time.  It is the one time we can usually be assured that we can speak without interruption.  It is a piece of the glue that holds us together.

2.  We have rules for arguing.  We do not tolerate mean spirited arguing, name calling, or even much yelling.  Notice I said much yelling?  I’ll admit, I’m the first to break this rule.  I’m not perfect at this and neither is my husband, but we strive to be the best we can be.

3. We are always on the same page.  Whether it be parenting, finances, values, or expectations.  We do everything we can to stay aligned.  This is part of the hard part because we don’t always agree with each other and that is where number 4 comes in…

4. We submit to one another.  There are just times when whatever the issue is isn’t worth laying down and dying over.  Sometimes I need to submit to my husband as the head of our household, although you should know I will not do so if I do not believe he has heard me and considered my opinion thoroughly.  On the flip side he too must submit to me as his wife when the right occasion arises.  For example I am the expert authority on our homeschool and my business.  At times I  keep a closer eye on our finances than he is able to.  Final decisions on these often, though not always, rests with me.

5. We put the other above ourselves and OH MAN CAN THIS BE HARD!  I am the first to admit I tend toward laziness and I can even be a bit selfish.  But if my husband is in need, he comes above all else.

6. We pray for each other!  Seriously! Stop and think about this.  If you are honestly and earnestly in conversation with God asking the Almighty One in heaven to bless your spouse, and take care of him, and protect him, and lead him in this world according to God’s will….how do you think this will make you feel about your husband?   I can’t hold a grudge or stay irritated after I’ve asked God to pour His love over my husband.  I end up being filled with my own love renewed for the man I married.

7.  And most importantly, but certainly related to number 6 above… we keep God at the center of our marriage.  My husband is only human, he will fail me.  Can I go so far as to say he HAS failed me in the past?  I will fail and have already failed him as well.  When you are filled with all that you need by Jesus himself those failures just don’t seem like such a big deal after a while.  Jesus was the most selfless servant to ever walk the earth.  He forgives me for all of my failures and all of my wrongs. What a perfect model to follow in my marriage.   I am called to forgive just as Jesus forgave me.

I can’t imagine my life without my husband.  On the day I said my ‘I Do’ on that alter I truthfully  had no idea just how much work marriage would take.  I see it too in the starry eyed gazes of my brides and grooms as I photograph their wedding days.  I pray for them that they learn what I have learned…. your husband is so worth the hard work it takes to keep your marriage strong.  Your husband deserves your best and your children deserve a mother and a father who work together.  Marriage is the hardest thing you will ever do and it is also greatest thing you will ever do.

I thank God for the gift of my marriage every day.  I’d love to pray for you and your marriage.  Leave me a comment or send me an email.


 

Comments

  1. Jennifer says:

    Beautiful post, Crystal. With 2 failed marriages under my belt, I can say that your list is spot on.

  2. Thank you! I find it soooo hard too! My husband was made for me and I for him. We have only been married 2 years but lived together for 3 years before that. I brought my daughter kyleigh into the relationship and honestly it was a perfect 3 years until our son was born and then sleep deprivation came into play! 🙂 a whole new way of working together had to be figured out. 2 years later we are finally getting it again. Your list is great and I can honestly say we do most of that list but I fall short on praying. Thank you again for the great reminder!

    • Alicia those early baby years are such a struggle. My youngest is nearly two and in some ways the fog is just clearing. For us, each child we have added to our marriage meant a whole new system and way of working together as you said. I hope my little list was helpful and I will pray for you! If you can survive babydom you can survive anything!

  3. This was such a beautifully written post. Marriage is hard, but your tips work… My marriage is wonderful, but it does still take work to keep it that way. If I could add one thing to your already wonderful list it would be that we go on dates regularly.

    • Karyn I have a couple of other ideas to expand on this post! Yours is one of them. Congratulations to wonderful marriage. That says much about both you and your husband. Thank you for the comment!

  4. This is a beautiful post. I am going to bookmark it and come back and read it again and pray over it, as well. Very good information here. Coming over to visit from the Comment club with the Crew. Hope you great day. Many blessings, Lisa

  5. Crystal,

    I was quite impressed with your blog on marriage. I was married the first time to a wonderful man for 29 years and although our marriage was strong, it did need daily work. God had taken Gene home over 8 years ago and I still miss and love him dearly and I know that one day I will see him again and look forward to that time. With that being said, I am now remarried to another wonderful, godly man and again it is alot of work, but in different ways. I can say that each marriage is different just as each person is different and we need to handle everyone’s marriage as a unique gift from God.
    Prayer is probably the most important item on your list, and we pray together every day. I pray that we will have 29 remarkable years, as Gene and I did.

    • Deb! Oh my goodness! I had the pleasure of knowing Gene though he went home before I really got to know him. Your marriage with him is one that I look up to. The love between the two of you was always very evident. I want that for my marriage too. I haven’t had a chance to know your new husband but I have been so thrilled for you ever since I learned God put him in your life. I know if he married you he can only be a man of incredible integrity and faith.

      I’m humbled that you posted on this post on my blog. I view you as something of a role model for many moms and married ladies. Thank you so much for your sweet words. And I will add you and your new husband to my prayer list.

  6. Wonderful, wonderful post.

  7. Great post! We had a lesson in church today about strengthening marriage. One of the recommendations was to go to bed together every night and is something my husband and I have been working on as well. My husband made a comment in the class and said that he feels in recent years we have a “near-perfect” marriage. That doesn’t mean we are perfect by all means, just that we are finally starting to get things figured out after 8 years. It really made me happy to hear him say that. I didn’t know he felt that way. Thanks for sharing your tips! I liked you on FB too!! 🙂

    • Sanz, thank you so much for your wonderful thought out comment! I think one thing I’ve learned is that Marriage is ever changing. There have been times when we also would have said things were absolutely wonderful… and then a couple of years later I wondered if we were nearing a breaking point. It’s ever changing. I’ve learned to always be watchful of things that want to tear us down and to guard against them. I will pray for your marriage and I hope you will pray for mine too!

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