Growing in the Word…Curb the Crazy Quarreling!

GrowingInTheWord 2nd Timothy

Am I the only one with kids who argue seemingly ALL OF THE TIME? I can’t be the only Momma out there who wants to bash her head into a brick wall because I’ve said… “STOP THE FIGHTING!”  too many times in one day! Is it a wonder my gray hair is starting to show?  It can be crazier than a circus around here at times.  My 3 children swing wildly from getting along perfectly to screaming at each other over the most trivial things, to ANTAGONIZING one another just to get a reaction.  Sometimes there isn’t enough Tylenol in the world to curb my heachaches after referring yet another ridiculous fallout.

I’ve tried many tactics… separating them (and me), timeout, explaining, ignoring them to let them sort things out themselves and in my desperate moments even begging and pleading with them to KNOCK IT OFF!  While we may are blessed with sometimes week long seasons of calm and togetherness, nothing truly seemed to stick for the long haul.

Where was I going wrong? Then it hit me like a ton of bricks!  I was asking my children to stop what is truly a natural, though unhelpful behavior, all on their own with just their own strength and willpower.  One lesson that I have learned is that changing yourself in that way rarely works… especially is you are still a child.  We needed help!  Thankfully God provides.

I gathered my children and we opened our Child Training Bible to see what God has to say about all of this quarreling.  First we talked about the quarreling and how it made us all feel.  I was amazed as my kids confessed that they really don’t like to fight and it makes them pretty sad.  Then we prayed to God and asked Him to help us figure out how to stop the madness!  Finally we turned to the scriptures.  As I read each one I stopped and asked them to help me figure out what God was trying to tell us and I did my best to provide our real life examples of where we are going wrong according to that scripture.  We brainstormed better ways to deal with the situation and we even acted them out with one another to practice.  Most humbling of all… I shared examples with them of times that I get into quarrels with their Daddy or others.  I’m far from perfect.  I struggle with things like this much as they do.  I believe this makes them feel less condemned and more understood.

My guys are all 8 and under.  They are incredibly fidgety.  That’s ok with me.  I let them flop on the floor, handle little Legos, or even doodle while we chatted.  They really pay attention during these talks, which ALWAYS amazes me.  I do my best to cut it short before they lose attention.

At last we hit upon the scripture that spoke to us all the most.

2ndTimothyQuarrels

They all agreed most of the arguments are foolish and stupid.  Their eyes popped when they learned the Lord says that we must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone.  It was an AH HA moment for them and for Mommy too. We prayed together and asked God to send his helper the Holy Spirit to help us when quarrels erupt.  We declared 2 Timothy 2:23-24 our memory verse for the week.  We copied it down on paper every day and recited it whenever we thought to.

Whenever it seems we need a reminder, we come back to this topic… reread our scriptures and discuss how things are going… where we succeed and where we fall short.  Now, when quarrels flare up I just asked them if this is a foolish argument and inevitably they agree that it is.  Then I ask them what we could do to handle this better.  That is usually the end of it. The level of arguing in our house has decreased significantly.  There is a new peace and calmness that I think everyone enjoys.  I know I certainly do.

I am reminded of Philippians 4:13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.  My children need God’s help to change as much as I do.  It is my job to point them to Him.

Comments

  1. I am totally going to get one of those kits! Simply wonderful to be able to help my kids with the word.

  2. Fantastic! As a mom to many, the squabbling is enough to make me wish I’d raised tomatoes some days.

    Going to look into this, thanks!

    Found you via BYB

  3. We have had FAR too much arguing, bickering, and antagonizing going on here. In fact, last week I decided that we needed to refocus, so I started a unit with them on the Fruit of the Spirit.

  4. I was reading an interesting article today that children who play fight and argue are less likely to be violent as adults- so all the time I am separating my boys I am getting in the way of them finding out their own boundaries. I will try to find a hyperlink for you- it was a really good article. Words, on the other hand, I find really difficult to deal with as the boys can say spiteful things to each other. Thanks for sharing your tips!

  5. Love it! I find myself doing the same thing many times. Pulling my hair out about an issue and then having that “aha – have you taken it to God?” moment. Not too long ago, we were having a similar issue with siblings using their words to pick at one another. We sat down together (my crew is 7, 10 and 12) and read about how our words are an overflow of the heart, and how God calls us to use our words to build up not to tear down. Then we decided to work to make sure that before we say something that it is kind, necessary and/or true. Things have been SOOO much better!!

    Found you via BYB.

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