Search Results for: quarreling

Growing in the Word…Curb the Crazy Quarreling!

GrowingInTheWord 2nd Timothy

Am I the only one with kids who argue seemingly ALL OF THE TIME? I can’t be the only Momma out there who wants to bash her head into a brick wall because I’ve said… “STOP THE FIGHTING!”  too many times in one day! Is it a wonder my gray hair is starting to show?  It can be crazier than a circus around here at times.  My 3 children swing wildly from getting along perfectly to screaming at each other over the most trivial things, to ANTAGONIZING one another just to get a reaction.  Sometimes there isn’t enough Tylenol in the world to curb my heachaches after referring yet another ridiculous fallout.

I’ve tried many tactics… separating them (and me), timeout, explaining, ignoring them to let them sort things out themselves and in my desperate moments even begging and pleading with them to KNOCK IT OFF!  While we may are blessed with sometimes week long seasons of calm and togetherness, nothing truly seemed to stick for the long haul.

Where was I going wrong? Then it hit me like a ton of bricks!  I was asking my children to stop what is truly a natural, though unhelpful behavior, all on their own with just their own strength and willpower.  One lesson that I have learned is that changing yourself in that way rarely works… especially is you are still a child.  We needed help!  Thankfully God provides.

I gathered my children and we opened our Child Training Bible to see what God has to say about all of this quarreling.  First we talked about the quarreling and how it made us all feel.  I was amazed as my kids confessed that they really don’t like to fight and it makes them pretty sad.  Then we prayed to God and asked Him to help us figure out how to stop the madness!  Finally we turned to the scriptures.  As I read each one I stopped and asked them to help me figure out what God was trying to tell us and I did my best to provide our real life examples of where we are going wrong according to that scripture.  We brainstormed better ways to deal with the situation and we even acted them out with one another to practice.  Most humbling of all… I shared examples with them of times that I get into quarrels with their Daddy or others.  I’m far from perfect.  I struggle with things like this much as they do.  I believe this makes them feel less condemned and more understood.

My guys are all 8 and under.  They are incredibly fidgety.  That’s ok with me.  I let them flop on the floor, handle little Legos, or even doodle while we chatted.  They really pay attention during these talks, which ALWAYS amazes me.  I do my best to cut it short before they lose attention.

At last we hit upon the scripture that spoke to us all the most.

2ndTimothyQuarrels

They all agreed most of the arguments are foolish and stupid.  Their eyes popped when they learned the Lord says that we must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone.  It was an AH HA moment for them and for Mommy too. We prayed together and asked God to send his helper the Holy Spirit to help us when quarrels erupt.  We declared 2 Timothy 2:23-24 our memory verse for the week.  We copied it down on paper every day and recited it whenever we thought to.

Whenever it seems we need a reminder, we come back to this topic… reread our scriptures and discuss how things are going… where we succeed and where we fall short.  Now, when quarrels flare up I just asked them if this is a foolish argument and inevitably they agree that it is.  Then I ask them what we could do to handle this better.  That is usually the end of it. The level of arguing in our house has decreased significantly.  There is a new peace and calmness that I think everyone enjoys.  I know I certainly do.

I am reminded of Philippians 4:13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.  My children need God’s help to change as much as I do.  It is my job to point them to Him.

Christ Centered Character Training Day 2: Fighting!

ChristCenteredCharacterTrainingFighting

It’s a screech! A scream! A thump on the ceiling overhead.  A wail that reminds me of an animal I might only encounter near the ocean and then, the hammering of footsteps down the stairs.  Yep, my kiddos are at it! Fighting again!  Not just quarreling this time but a full on fist fight.  These moments do not bring out the best in this Momma!  Physical fighting is an absolute deal breaker in my home.  There is never a good reason and never a justifiable excuse.  My children know this… VERY WELL!  It takes a breath and a prayer and a PLEASE GOD HELP ME MANAGE THIS shout to the Lord to keep me from loosing my cool (and yet sometimes I fail).  What do I do when my kid’s FIGHT with one another?

My instinct is to start yelling and berating them letting them know just how awful their behavior is. Yet I know in my heart that doing what they’ve just done, giving way to my sinful nature, won’t teach them anything valuable. I want to separate them, punish them, and confine them to a time out for the rest of the day.  Out of sight, out of mind, I don’t want to deal with this!  But how will that solve the issue and grow their character?  We’ll be right back here again tomorrow!

My three children are homeschooled.  They are together 24/7.  My boys even participate in pretty much all of the same activities and classes.  Conflict is likely to erupt and boys being boys, physical fighting is somewhat inevitable.  I have a plan.  One I must follow even though it isn’t easy!  First, they are separated for a while.  Everyone, especially Momma, needs to cool off!  One goes to their bed, another to the couch.

BoxingGloveFighting

Then it is time to dig up the Bible and see see what versus we can find that will remind us about God’s stance on fighting.  I’ll be honest… I sometimes get eye rolls and a whine that says… “But we KKKNNOOOWWW what the Bible says.”  Fighting is a topic we have to visit every several months.  My children know very well what God says about fighting.  Not only have we studied the scriptures at times of argument such as these but also during our daily Bible study lessons.

My Child Training Bible is my favorite resource at times like these!  Though I study the Bible daily, finding just the right versus at just the right moment is a struggle.  We open the pages and turn to Psalm 34:14

14 Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.
Or 1 Corinthians 13:4-7…
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Then Mommy asks the hard questions…. “Noah, when your brother broke your Lego building… did you turn from evil and do good? Did you seek peace?”  Ezra… “You love your brother right? Were you patient and kind with him when he accidently lost the page in your book?”
And so it goes.  We ask one another for forgiveness.  We pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help us keep our cool next time.  And life moves on.
I do ask myself if any of this really means anything to them, if it sinks in and has any impact.  Sometimes, on the crazier days I doubt that it does. After all, while I truly believe that our time in the word and prayer together curbs the behavior and builds good Godly character at least in the short term how do I know any of this is having a true lasting impact. Then God gives me a little bit of encouragement.  I’ll over hear a little conversation, just a snippet of a few words, between my children.  “Ezra don’t hit me! That’s not how do peace!”  Followed by a sheepish… “I’m sorry.”
It’s a start!  I’ll take it!
Come back all week as I share with you about some of the specific topics we’ve addressed with this method (I’ll be talking about Fighting, Complaining, and Fear among others).  You won’t want to miss it.
If you use the Bible in your home in a similar manner please leave an encouraging story in the comments.  I know all of us Moms could use it!
Many members of the TOS Review Crew are blogging about a variety of topics this week.  Please stop by their blogs.  They’ve chosen some fabulous topics to write about for you.
Brittney @ Mom’s Heart ~ Relaxed Homeschooling
Lisa @ A Rup Life ~ Our Favorite Books
Melissa @ Life Off the Paved Road ~ Fit From Home
Michelle @ Faith, Family, and Fridays ~ Clearing Out the Clutter
Jennifer @ Chestnut Grove Academy ~ Educational Apps
Jenni @ Conversaving ~ Homeschool Cooperatives
Lisa @ Home to 4 Kiddos ~ Celebrating Lent
Tawnee @ Adventures in Homeschooling ~ Spring Schooling

April Blog Hop

5 Days of Christ Centered Character Training: Day 1 How We Do It

Happy Monday Bloggy World!  Thank you very much for stopping by today.  I hope you come back all week because I’m going to be writing about a topic I’ve grown very passionate about in recent years…. Christ Centered Character Training.  First let me back up and tell you a bit about how we discipline and train our children so that you can understand where I am coming from on these topics.

ChristCenteredCharacterTraining

My husband and I hold a few things to be sacred in our parenting.  First, we do not hit/swat/spank or inflict any sort of physical pain on our children ever.  In our minds if it isn’t acceptable to for them to do that sort of thing than it isn’t for us either.  Second, we strive not to yell (and yes I do fall short here).  That doesn’t mean we don’t raise a voice when a strong and commanding voice is needed.  But yelling out of frustration is a no no for anyone in our home.  Third, we require obedience upon the first request.  This last one always has and most likely always will be a work in progress… but generally our children do do as they are told the first time they are told.  Four, our goal is that everyone in our home exhibits encouraging Christ like behavior with one another.  Yep, this one two is and likely always will be a work in progress.  And finally fifth, we use the Bible as our guide in everything in life, including parenting and Character Training.

When I sat down to begin this series I asked my children to tell me which training topics they thought I should write about.  This week you’ll find posts on: fighting, complaining, fear, jealousy, and impatience.  I suppose that list gives you a little insight into the issues we most often need to address in our family.

What Does Christ Centered Character Training Look Like?

Whenever an issue such as the once listed above erupts in our home I typically send the children to different spaces to cool off a bit.  After a few minutes I call them back together so that I can from each of them.  Often I know it is time to open up God’s word and review with my children what He says about the issue at hand.  Sometimes I don’t even get the pages open. We’ve used the Bible so much as our source for living that my children can often tell me what it’s going to say before I even get it out.  I’ve discovered in the past couple of years that only addressing a problem behavior in the moment isn’t as effective as I want it to be.  When I notice a pattern of behavior in our home I take the time to discuss it during our morning devotionals.  Together we look up pertinent versus.  We discuss what we think God means with those words and how we can use them the next time we find ourselves in difficult situation.  

How To Prepare

Of course I’m not all that talented at finding the right versus. This takes a bit of thought, prayer and preparation. I like to use the app YouVersion on my Kindle Fire or other sites like ESVBible.org to look up keywords.  An actual Bible Concordance would of course work fabulously!  One of my other favorite resources that I speak of often is the Child Training Bible.  With these resources I can usually compile a list of versus that will help me address the issue at hand.

Then the real work begins.  In our home I know we have to open our time together discussing the word with prayer and often a praise song.  My children will testify, if we do not our hearts are not in the right place and we do not listen well.  Then I read the scriptures (or have my children read them) aloud and dissect each one.  As we go, someone inevitably remembers a time when they didn’t follow God’s word in some way.  I encourage them to share.  As a rule the children aren’t aloud to tattle or remark on when someone ELSE didn’t follow God’s word.  However, Mommy can ask pointed questions to job everyone’s memories.

We’ll follow this pattern for a week or so… choosing one standout verse to memorize.  Then we move on.  Often times we find some mantra… three or four words, that we can use with one another to remind us of what God taught us during our study.  For example, during a time of study about quarreling we found 2nd Timothy 2:23-24

 23Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.24 And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 
Now, several months later, when I hear a quarrel erupt I just have to ask if this argument would be foolish and stupid to the Lord.  Typically that ends things right there and they strive to find a way to work things out. Almost without fail any pattern of behavior is significantly reduced after just a few days of reading about it in the Word and praying to God to help us work it out.

The Fruits of Our Labor

Sometimes, in the weary moments when behaviors I thought we had addressed come blazing back (because most likely to always do, at least for a time) I ask myself why I bothered putting in the effort.  Then one evening my 6 year old son climbed into my lap.  He looked up at me with his big blue eyes and said… “Thank you Mommy for talking about quarreling this morning.  It helped me all day.”  SOB!  Thank you God for the encouragement.

More to Come!

Come back all week as I share with you about some of the specific topics we’ve addressed with this method (I’ll be talking about Fighting, Complaining, and Fear among others).  You won’t want to miss it.
If you use the Bible in your home in a similar manner please leave an encouraging story in the comments.  I know all of us Moms could use it!
Many members of the TOS Review Crew are blogging about a variety of topics this week.  Please stop by their blogs.  They’ve chosen some fabulous topics to write about for you.
Brittney @ Mom’s Heart ~ Relaxed Homeschooling
Lisa @ A Rup Life ~ Our Favorite Books
Melissa @ Life Off the Paved Road ~ Fit From Home
Michelle @ Faith, Family, and Fridays ~ Clearing Out the Clutter
Jennifer @ Chestnut Grove Academy ~ Educational Apps
Jenni @ Conversaving ~ Homeschool Cooperatives
Lisa @ Home to 4 Kiddos ~ Celebrating Lent
Tawnee @ Adventures in Homeschooling ~ Spring Schooling

April Blog Hop

 

 

5 Days of Homeschool Essentials – The Child Training Bible!

Homeschool Essentials CTB

I often get asked by potential homeschooling families what you REALLY need to get started homeschooling.  They are asking about STUFF.  Many see grand dollar signs in their eyes thinking homeschooling will set them back a pretty penny.  You know what, it CAN!  But it doesn’t have to.  This week I’m going to talk about a few great things that you can invest in to make your homeschool a success.  Most are low cost to no cost, others simply make sense because they will save you money, a few you most likely already own.

Let’s get started with the single most important item in our family’s homeschool arsenal.  We are a Christian family so it should be of no surprise to anyone that the most important thing we own is our  Bible.  We use an NIV Bible that I’ve doctored up with the help of the people who created the Child Training Bible (CTB).

The Child Training Bible helps me quickly find scriptures that address the most typical heart and character issues all children (an even adults) struggle with most.  Every day we begin with a family prayer to God.  We ask Him to help us in our day, to show us places where we can grow to be more like Jesus, and to open our hearts to His teaching in His word.  Then we crack open our CTB.

Back in the spring of 2012 when I first got our CTB materials I spent some time assembling our Bible.  I wrote all about how do that and just what you need to get it all done HERE.  As you can see from that old blog post I loved this resource then and I think I love it even more now.

Each day we choose a new topic to study for the day.  Sometimes Mommy has noticed some heart issues in our home and I’ll choose our topic.  Other times the children let me know there is something they really want to hear about.  We just go with whatever we are feeling lead to at the time.  Once the topic is chosen we use the tabs to find the appropriate scriptures and work through 4 or 5.  We read them, discuss them, break them down, recall times when we (including Mommy) have struggled with what that verse is teaching us, we use the verse to discuss what God thinks is the best ways for us to handle problems, and finally we pray together.  Some of our favorite topics include Anger, Complaining, Fear, Jealousy, Lying, Making Excuses, Quarreling, Selfishness, and Tattling.

God’s word works miracles! It never fails, after studying a topic I always noticed the issue at hand decreases greatly or is eliminated altogether… at least until we need to study that one again.  My six year old in particular adores our CTB time.  Sometimes after a long day he’ll even tell me that our reading really helped him that day.  Praise God for that!

There just aren’t enough words for me to tell you how vital our CTB is to our homeschool.  It is our most important Homeschooling Essential.

Come read what other Schoolhouse Crew Team Members think are essential in their homeschools.  Here are a few to get you started.  Click on the image below to read even more

Lisa @ A Rup Life
Jordyn @ Almost Supermom
Jenn @ Teaching Two Stinkers
Jennifer @ Chestnut Grove Academy
Brandi @ Brandi Raae
Wendy @ Simplicity Breeds Happiness
Jodi @ Insane in the Mombrain
Kym @ Homeschool Coffee Break
Lynn @ Ladybug Chronicles

5 Days of Homeschooling Essentials

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